Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
