don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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