This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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