I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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