she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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