One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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