This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
