we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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