Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
