we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
