My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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