I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
whose parrot is this?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
