I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
