Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
