When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize