thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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