Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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