well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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