I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
