Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
