It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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