I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
