you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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