so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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