so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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