Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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