So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
