I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
