Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
