well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
