he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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