Dude my mom stole all your condoms
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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