i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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