the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
