hotel room ftw
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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