you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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