She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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