Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
