If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
