Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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