i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So much rum. So many feels.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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