I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
