shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
