A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
