i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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