I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
