so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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