Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no more duck duck goose at the bar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
