a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
