Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
