dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
