im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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