I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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