Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish you could order shots online.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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