I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
