Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
