Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do herpes really smell.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
