kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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