i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
