It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
