smell my finger.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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