Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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