Soap is not a condiment
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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