The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
