Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
