I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
