im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
