you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
