I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
