My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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