i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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