I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
