the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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