yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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